Kink 101

Kink 101

Hey Flirties!

It’s the Flirt Guru here to give you the 101 on all things kink related. And where better to start than… at the start! Consent and negotiation.
Consent and negotiation – everyone should talk about what kind of kink play they would like prior to it happening. This can be as simple as asking “Can I bite your nipples?” or it could be an involved as “I’d really like to tie you down to the bed ,and put a Blindfold on you. I want to tickle you all over with a Feather, and then use a Vibrator on you until you cum”. The reply might be “That sounds like a lot of fun, I’d love to. But I don’t want you to tickle my feet. And how were you thinking of tying me to the bed? I don’t want to get hurt”. This response shows clear and enthusiastic consent. It sets personal boundaries and limits. And it expresses any concerns the person has. It’s important to bring up any concerns or questions and negotiate around them. It’s hard to relax into the moment when all you’re thinking about is something that’s worrying you. It’s okay to bring up concerns before, during and after playing together.

Bringing up these concerns during kink play can be difficult. Safe words are a great way of communicating these concerns clearly. A safe word is a previously negotiated word or phrase that stops the play immediately. My favorite safe words are what’s called The Traffic Light System – Green, Yellow, and Red. Green means “Go, everything’s good”. Yellow means “Slow down, this is near my limit”. And Red means “Stop right now, and let’s talk about what’s happening”. Someone might also use funny words that wouldn’t normally be said during sex, such as “pineapple”, or “octopus” to stop the kink play. If the situation can be dealt with easily and quickly, then do so and continue on with the fun. This can be discussed later on if required. Sometimes the situation needs to stop completely, and everyone needs to talk about what happened; why it happened; how it could have been avoided; and what you will both do to prevent it next time.

After your play session together (also called a scene), it’s important to engage in “aftercare”. When you are playing, it can give you a large endorphin and adrenaline rush, the feel-good hormones. But what goes up, must come down. Aftercare helps ease this come-down from a kink induced high, and helps you feel more grounded.

It’s a way to make sure everyone is okay after playing.
It’s important to pay attention to everyone's physical, mental, and emotional needs by –
Removing any Restraints, blindfolds, or other kink gear being worn.
Moving somewhere comfortable and warm, like a bed or couch.
Using a blanket or comfortable clothing to counteract the bodies potential temperature drop.
Hugging, cuddling, gentle massaging and giving back tickles.
Verbal reassurance and praise. Especially if someone was treated in an embarrassing way or had mean things said to them.
Maybe chill out together and watch some Netflix – keep it light hearted, and minimal thinking.
Everyone have a drink of water or juice, and something to eat, to help any drop in blood sugar.
Some people like to be left alone to reflect, meditate, decompress or write in a journal.
Call or send a text a few days later to check in with the person and see how they’re going.
It’s good to debrief with each other, and talk about likes and dislikes, turn on's, and what you’d like to do again. Start talking about what other toys you’d like to try together, as well.
Why not look at our Online Store together to get some ideas. I’d highly recommend checking out our  Bondage Gear section to get the creative juices flowing. Or come into one of our 9 store's to have a closer look and let our amazing staff help you find what you’re looking for. See why we just got voted #1 Online Adult Store and #1 Adult Retail Store in Australia from this years 2020 XAWARDS.
Stay safe and have fun.

Flirt Guru xoxo

Leave a comment

Please note, comments need to be approved before they are published.