Consent is all about communication with the person you’re about to engage in sexual activity with, but it doesn’t begin or end there. Any form of touching, including kissing, requires consent. Without this consent, it is harassment. Sometimes it is as simple as a “yes” from the other person but often without the communication surrounding consent, this can be a massive grey area. Flirt is here to help you navigate consent and understand what is NOT consent.
How to Ask for Consent
Asking for consent can be so sexy. Leaning into someone to kiss them and whispering, “can I kiss you?” is one of the most intimate ways to spark connection. This can increase the passion and sexual build-up of what’s to come. This makes for an exciting time when it comes to getting into bed. Consent can be used as a form of dirty talk such as “do you like that?”
Just as you wouldn’t go around a bar groping people, you shouldn't kiss or touch anyone without their consent. Asking for consent begins when you meet, continues in the bedroom and remains throughout the sexual experience. Even though a person has come home with you, that does not entitle you to their body. Checking in during sex is key in ensuring the consent remains and what the other person is okay with. Asking “can I touch you here?”, “can I use this?”, “would you like it if I did this?” or “are you okay with me doing this to you?” are all ways you can ask for consent during sex.
Creating and holding a safe space for you and your partner is crucial for all parties involved. Make sure it is an environment where desires, needs and wants are all communicated.
Sex Toys & Consent
Whipping out your sex toys during sex can be exciting for some and nerve-racking for others. Even though the person you’ve received consent from has agreed to have sex with you, that doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want. Before opening up your treasure chest of toys, ask if they’re comfortable with using toys and which ones they would like to use. This can happen before you have begun having sex or once the party has started but be sure to ask! Once you have your consent from your sexual partner, Flirt has your sex store Wagga Wagga and Australia wide needs sorted.
Things That Aren’t Consent
Umms, maybes and a lack of answer are not forms of consent. No response is not consent. “Maybe” is not consent. “I'm not sure” is not consent. Unless you’re receiving a firm yes, it is not consent. If someone is intoxicated, consent should be negotiated while sober. Consider the position of power you are in when receiving consent. Are you older? Are you their boss? Do they feel pressured to say yes? A yes can also be a pressured yes, so consider this when asking.
What a person is wearing and how they're talking to you does not imply consent. Just because you have engaged in an act before with this person, does not entitle you to do it again.
Be aware of emotional cues through how your partner is responding, feeling, their body language, gestures and noises. If your partner is pushing away, silent, passive, crying or in pain, unless engaging in consensual BDSM play, which also needs to be strongly communicated prior to any play session, you should stop and check-in with your sexual partner.
You need an enthusiastic yes; a concrete form of yes to ensure the other person has consented. Remember consent can be revoked at any point and if you are on the receiving end of these questions, you are entitled to say no at any point.The best way to engage in consensual sex is to check-in with your partner often. If there is any doubt in what you're doing or you're unsure if the person has given consent, it’s best to stop and check. Anything that is not an enthusiastic yes, is a no. Remember, consent is sexy and watching your partner enjoy sex is the ultimate form of pleasure.