Lesbian Bed Death - Removing the Stigma.
"What the f--- is she talking about?!"
Those are probably the first words that entered your mind after reading the title; and that is a valid response.
If you are lucky enough to be unaware of the term "Lesbian Bed Death" or more commonly "LBD", let me enlighten you. Lesbian bed death is a lesbophobic (see lesbophobia) term used to describe lesbians in a long-term relationship who either don't have sex very often or stop having sex completely.
The term was coined in 1982 by Pepper Schwartz and Philip Blumstein, two sociologists. Over the last 30 years, doctors, psychologists and medical professionals alike have come to doubt their findings, and most importantly, question whether 'sexual frequency' the most valuable measure of sexual health in a relationship. Studies have also found that our views and definitions of sex may be inherently heterocentric, and perhaps even phallocentric; bringing this sad reality to light:
The term was coined in 1982 by Pepper Schwartz and Philip Blumstein, two sociologists. Over the last 30 years, doctors, psychologists and medical professionals alike have come to doubt their findings, and most importantly, question whether 'sexual frequency' the most valuable measure of sexual health in a relationship. Studies have also found that our views and definitions of sex may be inherently heterocentric, and perhaps even phallocentric; bringing this sad reality to light:
Lesbian sex, when not thought of as entertainment, seems tepid and even a little bit boring.
Lesbian Bed Death is an absolute lie, a rumor and frustrating whisper that still looms around female same-sex couples 40 years on from the first time it was spoken. I understand that whilst you may read that it is a lie, it might not stop the lump from forming in your throat, and that dreaded knot that turns up in your stomach and makes you panic.
Q. "What would cause an infrequency of sex in a female same-sex relationship?"
A. If you think about it, two menstrual cycles, eventually two menopause cycles or perhaps even one and the other simultaneously mixed with fluctuating hormones, emotions and oestrogen would definitely cause a libido drop and a lack of a sex drive.
Q. "So what can I do to keep it fresh?"
A. This is a given, but we have to put effort into our sex lives. If you're in a new relationship and you're not ready to dive into the deep end and discover each other's kinks and fetishes yet; try watching porn together. It will be a shared experience, which is investing in the longevity of your sexual relationship. Watching porn together also helps take that step forward into finding out each other's fantasies and dark desires without making it an awkward "let's sit down and chat" scenario.
Q. "I want to introduce toys into my lesbian relationship, but I don't want a penis dildo or penis shaped vibrator. What should I get?"
A. There are so many different types of toys out on the market designed for lesbian sex that don't look like a penis at all! The adult toy market is ever-changing and is more aware than ever of the needs and inclusions of every orientation, preference and gender. Flirt loves to keep up with the demands of sexual needs and desires, and we are always wanting to help our customers make the right choice for their body and/or their relationship. Together Vibe is one of our favorite lesbian-targeted toys, and my oh my is it amazing! It is the only double-ended rabbit on the market to feature the Echo Function meaning you can feel your partner's arousal and orgasm. How amazing is that?!
Q. "I really enjoy the pleasure my partner gets from a strap on, but it does nothing for me. What can I buy so that we both enjoy it?"
A. This is something we hear a lot. Of course you want to pleasure your partner, but we understand that you want to feel pleasure too! Happy Rabbit's Strapless Strap-On is a soft, silicone bodied rabbit, with powerful multiple motors and it packs a punch of vibration and fun. Having no straps means that you get to wear it and push your own buttons whilst giving your partner the big O.
Q. "I've used strap-ons before, but the underwear always falls down, or sometimes it doesn't even fit at all. What would you suggest?"
A. Another common issue we hear, and thankfully there are some really great products that won't cost an arm and a leg! Dillio's 6 inch Suspender Strap-On is a really cute and stylish suspender style harness that really does stay in place when the action heats up. It features two heavy-duty adjustable nylon shoulder straps connected to the harness, which is also adjustable!
Q. "I want to keep it heated everywhere, not just in the bedroom."
A. My favorite kind of toy question. Of course you want to keep things heated everywhere, but I get that it isn't that easy. Moxie by We-Vibe to the rescue! This clitoral vibrator has so much to offer, but my favorite thing about it is that it is app-enabled, so you can play from ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD! You work away and you know your partner is out with friends? Open that app and make her blush.
We need to stop using terms such as “lesbian bed death” and start to look at all sexual styles as equal but different, instead of privileging certain types of sex over others. Sex is not a competition; it is a rich and diverse activity whose mystery we have only just begun to comprehend.
- Your Flirt Guru xoxo
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